YOU MIGHT BE IN LAW ENFORCEMENT IF...

1. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
2. Your idea of a good time is a DUI at shift change.
3. You find humor in other people’s stupidity.
4. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
5. Your idea of comforting an accident victim is to say fire rescue is on the way.
6. You believe that shallow gene pool is PC for an arrest.
7. You believe DONUT is a food group.
8. You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone ever says, Boy, it sure is quiet around here.
9. When you are out in public, you compliment a complete stranger on their weapon.
10. You have ever referred to someone’s death as exceptionally cleared.
11. Your idea of a really good time is dueling interrogation rooms.
12. You have ever had to leave someone’s house before you began laughing uncontrollably.
13. You think that coffee should be available in IV form.
14. You have ever restrained someone, and it was not a sexual experience.
15. The most commonly uttered phrase on the night shift is, What changed tonight, at 0200, that makes it an emergency after 6 months?
16. You believe that too stupid to live should be a disposition code.
17. You have ever wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to the Public Defenders’ office.
18. You believe that dispatch should be supplied with a Valium salt-lick.
19. When you mention vegetables, you’re not referring to the food group.
20. You don’t worry about birth control, because there is not enough left of your paycheck for another paternity garnishment.
21. Your suspect states, I have no idea how that got stuck in there.
22. You have used the words video camera to strike fear in your co-workers hearts.
23. You can identify the tattoo to warrant ratio.
24. You have your weekends off marked and planned for a year.
25. You’ve ever booked someone just because they’re obnoxious.

(C) 1996 C.J. McCall

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